A letter to my son:

Ian,

I have to tell you...I often feel challenged by you these days. You are strong willed and thick headed. You're sensitive and easily frustrated. You fly off the handle quickly. You were recently described as regularly "going postal". I won't lie, it's pretty fitting.

We often have conversations that go something like this;

You: I want apple juice.

Me: Here's your apple juice. *hands over cup*

You: I don't wanannnnnttt appllllee juuuuiicce!!! *cups hits floor*

You kick, you scream, you cry. Sometimes, you even take a swing or two. It's hard. Someday you'll read this when you are older and I just want you to know that just because I keep my calm most of the time does not mean that it's easy. Often times I'm giving you a little piece of my mind in my head. Some days I feel defeated at the end of the day, like I'm not doing enough, like you wouldn't throw such fits if I did a better job. But then

I dust myself off and try again the next day. And usually, it's a little better. We're both growing in this "terrible two's" challenge we're going through. I'm learning how to be patient, and you are learning to control your emotions and self soothe, a tough feat for a little boy.

But, here's the truth; I don't mind the challenge. Because you are worth every stinkin' rotten second of it. You are my boy. And when the fits are over, and the apple juice is cleaned up, and the tears have dried, you are the sweetest thing in the whole world. Your cuddles chase my clouds away, no matter how heavy or grey they are. Your bright blue eyes lift my spirits. And your hugs and kisses warm my heart. You are the little boy who taught me, and is still teaching me, what it really means to love someone. Each day with you makes me a stronger, better, wiser person. Each day with you makes me more comfortable in my own skin. You're sweet, silly, loving, and caring. You are my boy, and I am your Mommy. No matter how challenging your tantrums and fits become, you will always be worth the challenge. Always.

I love you sweet pea.

Love,

Mommy

A letter to my son:

Lately I've been thinking about how much I miss having "Mommy & Ian time". All of our time used to be that kind of time. While Daddy was at work, it was the two of us; hanging out at home watching cartoons, going grocery shopping, snuggling in bed waiting for Daddy to come home, hanging out in Mamal and Papal's backyard playing...it was all Mommy & Ian time.

Your sister is so wonderful. She is so sweet and lovable. We wouldn't trade her for the world, and we know you wouldn't either, because she is "your baby". You love her so much, it's so sweet. But sometimes I wish that you and I could spend some Mommy & Ian time still. I think we should do that. We'll make a day of it, every once in a while. Just me and you.

You are such a special kid, and you're growing up so fast. You talk in sentences, and come up with your own thoughts, feelings, ideas...even jokes. But sometimes I forget that you're still a baby. You are only two years old. You're still my baby.

I'm so glad that you're not in a rush to get big. You still want my cuddles every night. You still want to hold my hand all of the time. You even like it when I wrap you up real tight in a blanket and say "Aw...it's a baby Ian". You just smile and say "Yes, I is Mommy's baby Ian".

Thank you for all of the love and happiness that you have brought into my life. You're my sweet pea.

A Letter to my Son:

Dear Ian,

It's been a while since I've written you a letter. Since before Vanessa-Kate was born I believe.

I want to tell you how impressed I am with you. You're two years old now, and you are the very best big brother in the world, and I really mean that. I had hoped that you would be sweet to your sister, but I imagined more trouble than we've had. You are so good to her. You stroke her hair, you give her kisses, and you even like to help feed her. You're always leaning down real close to her face and asking "You o-tay? You aw-wight?" just to be sure that she is comfortable. If we have any problem with you with her it's just that your lips are permanently attached to her face. You make me so proud.

You're learning to express yourself so much more these days. You put together sentences, and come up with your own ideas. Yesterday you told me out of the blue that you wanted to buy Mamal's house. You've also decided that you want to be a robot for Halloween. I asked if you wanted to be a dinosaur or a monster...you said you wanted to be a robot. They're your new thing. You have one pair of robot pj's and you get angry that you can't wear them every day and every night. We have to discuss it every single morning when you get dressed.

You're also a little bit of a booger lately. Actually, a lot. You don't like to listen and you get a bit whiny sometimes. But all in all, you're a pretty good kid. Even your boogery times are totally worth it...because you're so much fun! And you're so sweet. You *try* to help me with everything. And you give kisses, hugs, and cuddles all of the time. I'm so very glad that you aren't outgrowing that yet.

Also, you are super cool and you don't even know it yet. You're two years old, you insist on wearing your checkered vans everywhere, you love your Star Wars shirts, and you beg Mommy to turn on football for you. Then you sit down and you actually watch it. lol. You shout "Go Bucks" and "Go Browns" no matter who is playing. You are too stinkin' cute.

I love you Nutball.

Love,
Mommy

A letter to my son:

Dear Ian,

Here we are. We've finally made it. We are a couple of days (at most!) away from meeting your little sister. We are all super excited and anxious. I can't wait to see you meet her for the very first time.

I've been spending so much time thinking about how much my life is going to change once she gets here that I have almost forgotten to think about how very different things will be for you.

I worry because I know you won't be my one and only anymore. I worry that I won't be able to give you all of the love and affection that you deserve. I worry that your teeny-tiny heart will break when I can't give you my attention from time to time. I worry about the little things; like...what if I have to feed her as you are falling asleep? What if I don't have a spare hand for you to hold so that you can rub my thumbnail as you drift off to sleep? That's your thing. And while I know that you are eventually going to have to learn to fall asleep without doing it...I'm not ready to take it away from you. I need those last few minutes before I fall asleep too.

This morning I laid in bed and held you. I watched how sweet and innocent (ha!) your face looks when you are sleeping. I watched your chest rise and fall. I remembered how tiny you used to be, and thought about how I couldn't ever picture you growing to be as big as you are today. You are already growing so very fast and I don't know if I can handle it going any faster. But I have a feeling that once your sister is here, it will. Everything will be even more "warp speed" than it already is.

I have no doubt that I will love her. Though it's hard to imagine loving any other baby as much as I love you...deep down in my heart I know that I will. In fact, the entire reason I will be able to love her so well is because of you. You taught me how to really and truly love someone with all of your being. Before you arrived, I knew what love was. But it was not until I learned to love you that I really knew what love was all about. You taught me that, and I am forever grateful. You are impossible not to love.

What I want you to know is that no matter how much things change from here on out, I will always love you. I am sorry to know that you may go through some changes where you may feel like you aren't getting all of the love and attention that you have in the past. But it's not true. Daddy and I still love you just as much, and love you more and more everyday. Never ever doubt that.

You are so filled with love. I know that you are going to show your little sister so much of it. I know that you will be loving, caring, protective, and nurturing...because that's just who you are.

We love you so much booger-bean. You have grown into such an amazing little boy. You bring us so much joy everyday.

Love,

Mommy

A letter to my son:

Dear Ian,

You are growing like a weed. A crazy little weed. And sometimes I wish that you would slow down, or at least tap the brakes a bit, but then again, I love watching you grow. I thought I'd take a couple of minutes to tell you about what you are like now, at 22 months.

You've really developed a personality now. You wake up in a good mood, and you want to lay next to Mommy and Daddy and giggle for a while before we get out of bed. You laugh out loud, with that bold laugh of yours, as you call us "duuuudddee". You point out our eyes, noses, head, lips, and so on. You never fail to have a couple of good bounces on Daddys belly before you just out of bed.

You've started calling me Mommy more than Mom. You've always called me Mom. You say it in that short, sweet, fast way that you do. It breaks my heart because it is so cute. I spent all of that time wishing you could say Mommy instead. But can I tell you a secret? ... now I'm not so sure. I feel like the fact that you can say Mommy now means that you are growing up and that I'll lose that little piece of your babyhood. The same goes for Daddy. You used to call him Dada, and now you're saying Daddy. I just don't know if we're ready.

You're obsessed with ouchies. You are super proud when you get them. You show them off to everyone you know. You also like other peoples ouchies. You get a concerned look on your face when you see my surgery scars on my belly. You rub them as tenderly say "ouuchhie" over and over again. Sometimes you give them kisses to make them feel better. They are old scars, they don't hurt anymore, but somehow your kisses make them feel better anyhow.

You love monkeys (mimi's), dogs, french fries, cheese, and playing outside. You're a jokester. It's amazing that you can tell jokes when you can't really even speak english. But somehow you manage. But I think that Aiden understands, because he laughs at your jokes.

You think that you can do just about anything on your own. You don't need help climbing into your highchair or your car seat. You put on your own shoes. You can blow your nose and brush your teeth without any help. I'm kind of grateful that you still don't fall asleep well on your own. I kind of like that you have to hold onto my (or Daddys) thumb and rub my thumbnail until you drift off to sleep. Daddy and I like to sneak in a couple of extra kisses before we whisk you off to your big boy bed. (Which is, of course, covered in monkey blankets)

You are such a perfectly wonderful little boy. I feel like I've known you my whole life. It's hard to imagine that just two years ago you were just a tiny babe in my belly, even less developed than your sister is now. I can't imagine what life would have been without you. You bless our lives every single day. I wish all of the best things in life for you.

I love you monstrosity.

Love,

Mommy

A letter to my son:

Dear Ian,

You're growing up so fast. It's really hard to believe. Sometimes I just look at you and I am completely in awe of all that you have become. You have grown to be such a loving, caring, funny, and smart little boy.

The time that I feel the you have grown the very most is when you curl up on my lap. I'm so glad that you still love to cuddle. When you curl up in my lap, you take up all of the space. Your head rests high on my shoulder, your back takes up the majority of my arms, your butt rests between my thighs, and both of your long legs hang completely off the opposite side of the chair...and I can just picture how tiny you were when you were a baby. How your entire body could rest between my shoulder and my hand. You weren't even an arms length long.

Sometimes I wish that I could just push pause; that I could keep you the way that you are forever. I fear that someday I won't be able to vividly remember you the way that you are now. I fear that I will be filled with sorrow, longing for the days when all you wanted was to lay in my lap, to twirl my hair around your fingers, and to hold my hand. Then what will I do? What will I do when my sweet baby is all grown up?

But then I remember that there is a reason that we can't press pause in life. It's so that we really learn to cherish every. single. moment. Because we are meant to make the most of what we have today. Yes, parts of me wish that you could be my baby forever...but I know that there are so many great things awaiting you. Someday, most likely sooner than I'd hoped for, you won't be a baby anymore. You'll be a kid, and then a teenager, and then a man. And I'll be proud of you no matter how big you grow. Because I'll still be your Mommy, and in many ways, you'll always be my baby. Always.

I take comfort in knowing that you will do great things. I have such hope for you sweetpea. I know that you will be great at whatever you do. I know that someday you will grow up to have children of your own, and that you will love them as I love you. And that's why I can't push pause, because you have more important things to do then to just lay in my arms forever.

But if you could just stop getting so big in a hurry... I would appreciate that too.

I love you boog. I love you so much.

A letter to my son:

Dear Ian,

Do you know that you are always on my mind; every second of everyday? Do you know that everything about you breaks my heart into a billion pieces everyday...in the best of ways? I never thought that heartbreak could feel so beautiful and loving. When I watch you do things like walk around the house in your shoes, giggle, and give mia-dog kisses, my heart breaks into a million-trillion-bizzilion pieces because I just love you so very very much. My heart simply cannot manage to stay intact because it's not big enough to hold all of the love, pride, and joy that you have been putting into it since the day that you were born.

Do you know that you are the very best thing that has ever happened to Daddy and I? Sometimes, when you're not around, we just lay in our bed together and talk about all of the reasons that we love you. Tonight we talked about your beautiful blue eyes, your soft skin, you bubbly personality, the way you say things like "Mommmm" "Dad-da" and "Tookies!", and how you were just such a big, special, perfect little boy. That's the funny thing about parenting, somehow your children just seem perfect. While you may not be perfect (infact, you are such a booger sometimes!!) you are, however, just perfect for us. You are all that we ever could have asked for and more.

We are so proud of everything that you do and everything that you are. I want you to know that we both want to give you everything that you could ever want in this life, and we pray all of the time that you will be able to be anything, and do anything that you could ever want. You are so very special Ian. There is no other like you. You are ours, and we love you with all of our hearts and souls. I hope that you will always know that.

When I think about you growing up...it breaks my heart a little because I sometimes long for those first days, when you were so tiny and new, and you needed your Daddy and I for everything. I will never forget the way you smelled as a newborn. I will never forget the way that you would just sink into your Daddys chest and fall right to sleep. But, I also can't help but smile when I think about you growing up, because you are growing into such a wonderful little boy. You are already so sweet, loving, caring, funny, and outgoing. You light up the room when you toddle into it.

We love you so much beanlet. So very much.

Love,
Mommy

Letter to my son:

Dear Ian,

I hope that you and your Daddy had fun playing today. You have no idea how happy you make him. Tonight after you feel asleep he gave you kisses and told me how much he loved hanging out with you. I asked him if the two of you had fun tonight, and he told me that he always has fun when he gets to have Daddy time with you. You are one lucky little boy to have such a great Daddy. He loves you so much.

I wanted you to know that you are the thing that really keeps me going. It has been a rough couple of days for Mommy. I have been stressed out about all sorts of things, but you always know how to make it all better. When I'm feeling my worst, you walk up to me, look up at me with those beautiful blue eyes, say "Mommmm" and give me that toothy giggle of yours. You take my aching heart, and make it just melt every time.

You bring so much joy into our lives. So much love. So much happiness.

We are both absolutely head-over-heels for you. =)

Love,

Mommy

A letter to my son:

Dear Ian,

You have no idea how much joy you bring into my life. Every single day I wake up to your smiling face and think about how lucky I am to be your Mommy. I am the only one in the whole wide world who gets to be your Mommy, and that is so very special to me.

I wanted to tell you how much fun I've had with you over the last few days. You have been so much fun, so happy, and so loving these last few days. I have enjoyed holding your hand in the car, cuddling on the couch, taking you out to breakfast, having giggle-fests with you, and rocking you back and forth in my rocking chair.

I can't believe how fast you are growing up. I feel like I was holding you for the very first time just last week. Today you are walking. I want you to know that I have enjoyed all of it. Every. single. bit. I will have savored and cherished every moment with you.

I wish that you could always be my snuggle-bug. I'm already afraid that you are going to grow up too fast, and not want anything to do with me.

I love you so very very much with every ounce of my being.

Love,

Mommy