I'm getting rid of baby stuff.

I've spent the last week or so getting rid of stuff. I've washed car seats, cleaned old clothes, and picked melted fruit snacks out of the crevices of many things...all because it's time.

I've spent a lot of time struggling with this decision. What is worth keeping? What isn't? Am I even going to have any more babies? The honest truth is...I don't know. But I do know that I'm not having any more any time soon. So, I'm selling, donating, and pitching stuff left and right.

The whole idea of never having children again terrifies me a bit. When I think that I may never experience all of the joy that comes along with having a little person inside of me growing, I want to cry. I loved being pregnant, I really did. I love pretty much every part of it. I love the kicks, the big belly, and the constant feeling of love, excitement and anticipation. If I thought that I could handle it emotionally, I would carry other peoples babies for them. I loved being pregnant. The thought of never giving birth again even makes me sad. I had such a positive and uplifting experience when I delivered Vanessa-Kate. I can't imagine never holding my own fresh, newborn baby again. I can't image never having that "Look what we just made!" moment in the hospital. I want to breastfeed again after Vanessa-Kate. I'm not ready to give up all of the amazing experiences that come along with creating a new life. But...none of those are good enough reasons to have more children. Do I want more...or am I just sad to be leaving the phase of my life behind? I suppose that only to future can say.

However, in some ways I am relieved to feel somewhat certain that I am finished having children. One reason is that now I feel like I can focus on my career goals. I don't fear that working of my schooling to eventually become a midwife will have a negative affect on my family anymore. After I had Ian I knew that I didn't want him to be an only child. I also knew that I would like my children to be relatively close in age. The question of when we were going to have another child loomed over many of my decisions. I feel at peace with that now.

Then there are times when Toby and I slip away for a couple of hours, just the two of us. Then I start to imagine what it might be like to enjoy the company of my husband without babies and toddlers who need constant attention and supervision... and that seems pretty nice. We both love every moment of raising our babies, but we do miss having a bit of quality time to ourselves.

The fact is, I don't know the future holds for us. I do know that we have to wonderful children whom I look forward to watching grow. I know that we both want to focus on finishing the schooling that will help us to reach our own personal career goals. Maybe we'll be a family of four forever. Who knows? Maybe we'll be at a point in our lives five years from now where another child will be the right choice. As for now though...I'm getting rid of baby stuff. It breaks my heart a little bit, sure. But in some ways, it feels like a new beginning. Like everything is just starting.

Okay, its time already.

Disclaimer: If I do not post for a while after this it is because my Sister-in-law killed me for posting these pictures. Call the police.

See that thing there, attached to the girl hiding her face? That's my new nephew, Baby Ryan. And he is due any day now. I have finished my exams, except for the one I have Tuesday afternoon. So, he's free to come meet me anytime he feels like it now.

(Finally got a good picture)

So, be prepared to see some adorable pictures of a brand new baby very soon.

This is what Sundays are for:

Sundays are for dancing with your baby sister. =)

I love being a family.

Being a parent is really something isn't it?

Tonight Toby and I went out for the first time by ourselves since Vanessa-Kate was born 5 months ago. We talked about work, fantasy football, the weather, and day-to-day activities. We laughed, we had a good time. But by the time we were heading back the conversation had already turned to our babies.

We really have amazing kids don't we?
I love them so much. Tremendously much.

And I had one of the moments where it dawned on me; there was nothing more than we wanted than to be at home cuddled on the couch with our babies. We had babysitters who would have stayed late into the night if we wanted them to...but before 9pm, we just wanted to go home and enjoy the company of of kids.

On the way home we talked about how special they were, and how fast they are growing. Ian has changed so much, as has parenting him. It's a whole new kind of rewarding now that he can express himself. Nothing makes it more worthwhile than the "Mommy I love you soooo much" 's and the "Let's hold hands" 's that he gives me all of the time. And nursing Vanessa-Kate has been such a rewarding experience. I'm so glad I stuck it through the hard times because now I have a way to bond with her in such a special way. And when she looks up and me and gives me that silly milky smile of hers, my heart tells me that she loves me too.

So we came home and we held our babies. And it was wonderful.

There is no greater feeling in the world than having a family. Each and every day gets better. I'm so glad to have them this Christmas. They make it all worth while.

We're a family of FOUR!

She's here!

Vanessa-Kate Annabelle Starr

Born July 21st 2011

at 7:25 am

8 lbs, 3 oz : 21.25 inches long

Dainty fingers and toes

Long dark hair like her Mommy

and a crying face that is the splitting image of her brothers

We all love her fiercely.

She is truly a joy.

More to come, promise. =)

Pinch me?

I think that I am headed towards a super hard crash into reality.

You see, the fact is that I don't actually believe that I'm going to have a baby, at least not anytime soon. There is no denying that I am nearly full term. I walk around the house organizing baby clothes and cleaning nooks and crannies because the overly logical side of me knows that she's coming...soon. I complain about my back pain, and I stand up very slowly from the sitting position since it feels like if I move too quickly a baby just might try to make it's way out of me (sorry!), but the fact of the matter is this; I am in denial.

It's not that I don't want to have another child. I desperately do. It's just that for some reason I cannot wrap my mind around the idea that it is actually going to happen. I have the same feeling that I had in the planning stages of all of this; like we are still discussing whether it is the right time to start trying to conceive. I feel like we actually have to make a decision about whether we are going to have another baby or not. I don't know whats wrong with me.

When I got pregnant with Ian, it came as a happy surprise. While we had married younger than most, we weren't really planning on jumping right into a family. I was looking forward to spending at least the next two years as "just the two of us". But, alas, 2 short months into our marriage and three days before Christmas, my family doctor delivered the news; "No, you do not have the stomach flu, you are pregnant."

My initial response was to stop breathing for a moment. I think I may have uttered out the words "Holy shit". However it was soon followed with shock, and then joy. Overall, I was happy. When I shared the news with Toby, so was he. Though when I gave him a baggie with a biohazard sign on it with the test in it from the doctors office he thought that it was my way of telling him that there was something terribly, horribly wrong with me. ::giggles:: Silly boy.

But, as much of a surprise my pregnancy was, I embraced it. It felt very real to me the whole time. Mostly, I was very aware of the end result; I was going to be a mother, and I was going to give birth to a baby. Never once did that not seem real to me as it does this time. It's just ironic that it only seems unreal when it's planned.

I thought that these feelings would go away as I became larger. No such luck. There are 34 days until our baby is "due", which means less time than that. If she hasn't arrived yet, I'll be induced sometime in the week before that, which means 27-33 days from now. But, I can almost promise you that it will be sooner. I feel it. I have been convinced that she is coming on July 15th this entire time. Which is 17 days from now. Whoa. (P.S. While I'm making predictions, let's go ahead and throw this out there; 6 lbs, 11 oz, 20 inches long)

Maybe I'm just nervous about changing my little family. While we are all super excited to meet Vanessa-Kate, there is just so much new to be experienced. What will it be like to have a newborn and a toddler? What is it like to be a parent of two? For that matter, what is it like to be the parent of a girl? I'm pretty sure I know nothing about taking care of little girls. Will Ian be happy? Will he feel deserted? Mostly, the question that I believe every second time Mother-to-be asks herself; Will I be able to love another child nearly as much as I love the first?

I will. I know. But, sometimes it's hard to know until it happens. It's going to happen very soon.

Fears.

We all have fears.

Most of our fears are natural, normal fears. It is healthy to have a certain level of fear when it comes to things that are dangerous. But it seems that most parents have a certain fear that shakes them to the core. That haunts them. That they are almost convinced will happen to them if they don't take action. The fear is generally irrationally large, but is of something that is normal to be afraid of.

For Toby, it's pools. He seems to be very nervous about Ian falling in a pool and no one noticing. For me, it's car accidents. I am extremely picky about car safety. I check the car seat installation every single time. I make sure his buckles are tight, and that the chest piece is always placed in the right spot. I worry.

But the single most important thing that I do is kiss him every single time I put him in his carseat. Every. Time. Without fail. I need to know that if something were to ever happen to him, that I kissed him and that I loved him.

As a parent, what more can you do? I can't let my fear of car accidents take over my life. I can't wrap memory foam padding and duct tape around him every time I place him in the car. I just have to be careful, and do the best that I can.

Something reminded me today that we must never ever take our healthy families for granted. I can honestly say that I do not. I worry about them too often. I make it a point to take the time to hug, kiss, and hold Ian everyday. I tell him how much he means to me, and that I feel so blessed to have him in my life. I tell my husband that I appreciate him, and that I value him, and that I love him with all of my heart. When I say my nightly prayers, I thank God for all of the wonderful people in my life, one by one, and I ask him to take care of them for another day.

I'm not sure what the point is. But, hold your families tight. And thank God for each and every day that you get to spend with them.

Perfect Weekend.

Thursday night, around 7pm, Toby decided he was going to take Friday night off and start the weekend early. He left work at 10:30 pm (instead of 11 like usual) and we headed off to Lake Erie, to my parents lake house for the weekend. We got there around 2:30 am, and didn't leave until 10:00 pm Sunday night. It was a much needed short vacation.

We had so much fun. Ian loves the sand, the water, the boats, riding the golf cart, the pool, the playground, the campfires, and just about everything in between.

Without going into too much detail, because it would take forever; it was a perfect weekend. Just what we needed as a family before Vanessa-Kate arrives. While I'm looking forward to meeting her, I am also nervous about not having Ian be my one and only, my baby. I plan to take him back one more time before she is set to arrive so that we can go to the beach again, and so that I can take him to the African Safari, since he loves loves loves animals so much. I'll have to research nearby labor and delivery departments before we go though, just in case. =)

A long and busy weekend.

Friday morning we all woke up and walked down to the diner to get breakfast. Ian loves to diner because it's the one place that he gets to sit in the booth all by himself like a big boy (no booster or high chair), the seats are shiny and glittery, and they bring him giant plates of delicious fries. Plus, he makes lots of friends there. It's a great little hometown place, even if the poor poor sign above the entrance says "Main St. Cafe : Family Dinning". Thankfully, Ian cannot read yet.

Then after Daddy headed off to work we did the laundry. Then we drove to the other side of town to go the The Flower Factory to look for some baby stuff. If you've never been there, you should go. It's wholesale, and it's darn cheap. You can score some amazing housewares and decor there for next to nothing.

While we were out shopping we got the call that we would be able to attend my little brother's high school graduation. He goes to a technical school (he's in the building trades program) and they only get 4 tickets to graduation. So those tickets naturally went to my parents, his fiance Jessi, and his son Aiden. But at the last minute we came across some extras. Grandma, Ian, and I made the 1.5 hour trip from the west side of Columbus to Newark in less than 45 minutes just to make it on time. Sitting on the bleachers nearly killed my pregnant ass, but I was happy to be there. School has been such a struggle for Joel all of his life, even moreso since the challenges of becoming a parent almost 2 years ago. We were all so happy for him when he walked across the stage. He was happy too.

Afterwards we all went out to dinner together at Tumbleweed. Deep. Fried. Corn. Mmm.

Then on Saturday we spent family time. Toby, Ian, and I lounged around the house until about 1:30. It was amazing to just re-lax. Then we decided to take Ian to get some frozen custard at Whit's (the most amazing custard ever) and he enjoyed it immensely. He got to eat his own big boy cone by himself. He looked so big. I can't believe how big he has grown. Also, I have never seen a vanilla cone bring anyone so much friggen' joy in my life. He kept laughing out loud and smiling. It dripped all down his chest. We decided that we would have to take him home and bathe him before heading to the park. Melted dairy products covering his body mixed with 85 degree weather at the park would be a nasty combo.

Then after he was all cleaned up, it was off to the park. He played, and he played, and he played. He made Daddy push him on the swings, and he climbed the ladder to the slide all by himself. By the time we made it back home, Daddy and I were exhausted from the walk. I told him that it was acceptable for me to be out of shape, because at least I can blame it on being 31 weeks pregnant. He's a skinny man. He has no excuse. =)

Did you know that sticking you lip out and throwing your arms makes you run really really super fast?

So we ordered some pizza. (Yes, fries, ice cream, and pizza all in one post. It was a healthy weekend, okay?). We spent the rest of the evening hanging out at home. It was a wonderful day. Seriously.

Sunday we had family pictures/maternity pictures done. Ian didn't cooperate well at all. But we got a couple of good ones. Not thrilled with them though.

Then we finished off the day by eating at BJ's Brewhouse, and with a little bit of shopping at Old Navy. We walked out with a new maternity tank top, a v-neck shirt for Toby, and a "big brother" t-shirt for Ian for $14. Yay for Memorial Day Sales eh?

Toby spent the rest of the night hanging out with his friend Mario here at home, while Ian and I cuddled in bed and watched television. Ian started running a fever and getting sick. So we holed up in the bedroom (the only place with a.c.) and watched Sister Wives. He was sick enough that he didn't care what was on the tv. He just wanted cuddles. I felt horrible that he was sick, but the cuddles we wonderful.

Monday morning I decided one a.c. unit just for the bedroom wasn't working. I also taught Ian to say the word "pool" so that he could call Mamal and say "pooolll" over and over again so that she would feel guilty enough to open it this week. We went and bought a new a.c. Then spent the rest of the day hanging out at Toby's Mom's house. We had some truly delicious chicken and corn on the cob. Mmm, and fruit with dip. It was one of the first days that it felt like summer for real. It was a really nice day. Monday night we installed the new a.c. and it was bliss. Ian went off to my grandparents for the night. They bought him a new swing set for their back yard and he was through the roof about it. I spent the rest of the night hanging out with Toby and working on some finals for school.

It's time for an update.

I feel like lately I haven't had the time to write about things as they happen. And I certainly haven't had the time to share all of the little things. Mostly it's because I started back to school after my wonderful quarter off and I have just been getting back into the swing of things.

So, let's start with Ian;


He's getting big, way too big. I feel like he has really been developing like crazy over these last few months. He already had a large vocabulary, but it seems like he is really grasping the idea of really being able to communicate what he is thinking. He lets me know when he wants/needs something, and sometimes he even *tries* to tell me about his day. He will randomly speak a couple words about something that he really enjoyed doing earlier in the day. He has also taken up calling people "nut". As in "You're a nut!". It's pretty much the cutest thing that I've ever seen.


He's starting to really enjoy eating as well. He has been eating lots of turkey. Ungodly amounts of turkey. He's getting taller (still!) and he's sleeping in a big boy bed. He is also taking a large amount of interest in Vanessa-Kate's things as they start to fill up the house. He likes to hug all of her things and lovingly say "Baaabbby". He gives her lots of kisses at night and tells her "Hiiiiiiiiii!" in the morning. He's going to make a wonderful big brother. I can't wait to see it in action.

And now onto Vanessa-Kate/Pregnancy;

Things are going smoothly. I had my regularly scheduled OB appointment (with my amazingly wonderful and sweet new doctor) today. The first surprise..? I passed my gestational diabetes test with flying colors! This is truly a miracle since I had GD with Ian and 85% or more of women who have GD once will have it again with all of the following pregnancies. My OB says that most of this is due to my wonderful weight gain, or lack thereof. I've been watching my diet closely and taking care of myself well.

The next thing that she checked was my cervix. I know that 25 weeks is early to check, but I dilated very early and fast with Ian, and I also had a long week full of contractions last week. But, thank the lord, my cervix is completely closed. No signs of early labor here! Keep cooking baby girl!

Lastly, she had a beautiful heartbeat of over 150 bpm. I have another appointment scheduled in 3 weeks and then we move to appointments every 2 weeks! Wow! This pregnancy is flying by. I'm getting more and more excited to meet her. It's all really sinking in. Maybe it's because my house is filled with little girl stuff. =)

Lastly a Family/General Update;

I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but Toby got an awesome promotion. We are so very proud of him. This promotion is a really great step forward for our family. He has worked really hard for it.

We've gone "healthy" in our house. We've been eating well, with lots of organic foods, fruits and veggies, whole grains, lean meats, almond milk, tofu, and lots of other good stuff. Tobys only rule? We still have to buy white bread. Our house is filled with healthy foods and a lousy loaf of $1.00 Kroger-Brand white bread. I suppose that we'll survive.

Also, we're finally prepared to buy another car. As soon as we find one that we actually want to buy.

Other than that, I've been keeping very busy with school. I'm a big idiot who thought that taking Mircoeconomics and Macroeconomics (two classes that I loathe) during the same quarter would be smart. Riiight. So if you don't hear from me much, that is why. I've most likely passed out in a pile of books.

Rest in Peace.

Rest in Peace Great-Grand Martin.

(Ian's Great-Great-Grandma)

We know that you are happy and well now. <3

Much Love,

Tabatha, Toby, and Ian.

Day Two:

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for awhile.

I didn't want to go super obvious with this one and post about someone that I am very obviously close to like my husband, my grandma, my mom, or even one of my long time friends. So, I chose to post about my wonderful sister-in-law, Nichole.

Nichole is pretty awesome. She has better taste in music than most anyone I know. She has terrible taste in food. She's funny...like actually very funny. She's a very choosy person. She doesn't befriend just anyone. But, she is very loyal and caring to those who are close to her. She's a good little sister, and a good big sister too. She has an ipod constantly attached to her face. She laughs out loud to herself too often when she watches youtube videos. It's embarrassing. She's kind of lazy, and she sleeps a lot. She wears a lot of cute clothes...and a lot of the color grey.

All in all, shes pretty awesome and we are all very lucky to have her in our lives.

Fun Friday Night!

I was feeling guilty for being such a lazy Mommy over the last couple of days. I've just been run down and I've been sleeping in. But this morning, when my child slept in until almost 1pm (yes, I know, I'm bad, spare me the lecture) I realised that it was rubbing off on his and I felt horrible. I decided that we had to do something fun and productive today...and continue to do so from here on out. I cannot be this lazy anymore.

So, my Mom and I decided to take the boys to the Playplace at Mcdonalds. They had the time. of. their. lives. They ran and laughed and played for well over 2 hours, only stopping occasionally to chomp down a french fry or two. All in all, it was a ton of fun and I can't wait to take them back again. My rounded self even climbed through the tunnels as took the boys down the slide. Tunnels+Pregnancy=Pain. But the giggles they got out of going down the slide were well worth it.

Twas a good day.

I've been a bad blogger.

I have hardly updated lately, things have just been so busy since we moved into the new place. I keep taking pictures of our new place to upload and then I start thinking to myself "No...I'll wait. I haven't hung that picture that I've been meaning to hang yet" or "Oh man, I forgot to put the dishes away before I took the picture".

I'm a perfectionist, what can I say. So, you all will see pictures when I'm satisfied that everything is put together perfectly. Let's shoot for March. ;)

Overall, I must say that we are very happy here. The apartment is really perfect for us. I absolutely love it. Generally all I wanted in an apartment was someplace that was safe, clean, and affordable. I wasn't looking for someplace that I thought was decorated perfectly because in my opinion, it's just an apartment. It's not like we own it or anything. But we could not have been more lucky with this place. Not only is it safe, clean, quiet, and affordable, it's also painted and decorated perfectly. Honestly, most of the design choices in this place are things that I would have chosen for my own home. If this place were for sale I would buy it.

When I say "decorated" I don't mean that the place came furnished or anything. I'm simply using that word for lack of a better term. What I mean are the little details like the beautiful silver textured wallpaper in the kitchen, and the interior brick wall in bathroom, or the amazing all tile steam shower, or the great white molding around the windows that contrasts perfectly against the grey walls. And to make things even more perfect, the back bedroom was painted the exact green color that matches Ians bedding and decor. I am in love with my apartment.

...and all of the other aspects of my life.

I can't explain to you how blessed we feel to have this next baby on the way. We wanted this, and it's almost strange to try and then get pregnant since Ian was such a surprise. We are very excited though. Our hearts told us that this was the right time.

To make things even better, this pregnancy (though I am only 5 weeks today) has gone very smoothly. With Ian and I was horribly ill for over a week before I even found out that I was pregnant. That sickness lasted for the next nine months. This time, no strong morning sickness. Yes, I've got sick a couple of times, and I get nauseous every night around 8:00 pm, but overall, I don't spend all day every day puking my brains out, which is a vast improvement from my first pregnancy.

Toby is very happy with work. He feels better and better about his job every day. It really is rare that someone enjoys their work as much as he enjoys his.

And I'm finishing up another successful quarter of school. Thankfully I will be taking this next quarter off. I took classes over the summer, for which I received financial aid, so I have to take another quarter off. I choose Spring. I need a break.

So, if you've made it this far, the general idea is; We're doing well, and we're very happy. =)

I look like a Grandma.

First, let me start off by saying that I am so glad that our culture is in this "old is cool" fashion stage. It seems like everything that has been cool at one point in time in the past, is now cool again.

(Please ignore how uncool of me it was to overuse the word "cool".)

Anyway, I'm really into patterns. I like big floral prints, houndstooth, plaid, stripes, polka dots, argyle, anything. I also like wearing bright and contrasting colors. I'm into the "older" and "grandma-ish" things that seem to be in style now. I like big handbags, prints, tacky shoes, bold ear rings, headbands, and cardigan sweaters.

As most of you know, I also really like a good deal. So when I found a mint green, indigo, white, and dark lavender large floral print smock for only 1.99 yesterday at Sears, I had to have. Nevermind that I also had a coupon for 10.00 off a clothing purchase of 20.00 or more. So, today I was super excited to wear my shirt. I even wore matching eyeliner. Which, according to Toby is an even more old lady thing to do.

The point is, Toby has informed me that he is pretty sure that his great grandmother would love basically my entire wardrobe. Sadly, I think he's right. And now that I think about it, she often compliments my clothing...and she's not one who just likes to compliment. She also tends to do the same thing to my sister-in-law, who has her own spin on a similar style. She told me that Grandma had recently went on and on about how adorable her grey sweatshirt covered in lace was.

I like that sweatshirt. A lot.

Oh well, I feel like a pretty cute Grandma.

Look closely, can you see the color coordinated liquid eyeliner and ear rings? Oh yeah.

Summer is ending...

And for the most part, I am quite glad. I love basically everything about fall; the weather, the smells, the colors, the football, the holidays, the clothing.

But...

I'm glad that I got to see this one last time. Note that only my nephew Aiden is playing in the hose...Ian was not so keen on it, at all.

But thankfully, I still managed to snap a few adorable pictures of my little man as well, after the hose was put away that is. Even though he is a bit wet in the pictures because Aiden managed to spray him a little bit in between running around and washing his tricycle in the buff. I like to think he was saying something like "Who? Me? I'm just washing my bike in the nude, no big deal."

*sigh*

I am one lucky lady.

Grandma's Love Me.

Oh yeah, Grandmas dig me.

I've been busy.

I hate that I haven't updated much over the last week or so. It feels like I have been super busy, but I don't know what with. I have had the last couple of weeks off of school, so maybe I was just getting the most out of my time off.

Anyway, so we have good news. Toby finally got a promotion, which will be able to help us out significantly. We should be able to be completely debt free (and in a comfortable financial position) within two months. That is such a relief. It also means that we are getting super close to having our own place.

Thank. God. We really need this. I figure that we will find very modest place to rent, and try to stay someplace cheap. We really only need a one bedroom right now, since Ian's crib is in our room and as of now, thats the easiest way to deal with his waking up in the middle of the night. That way, because we will still not be spending much money, we can still continue to save to buy our own house while still having our own space.

I am just so proud of my husband. Since Ian was born, Toby has done nothing but work his butt off to get us to where we are. And yet, he still comes home with a good attitude and always helps Ian and I out when he gets home. He is absolutely amazing. I'm proud of all that he has been able to accomplish at work. He has moved up so quickly in the company due to his hard work and good attitude alone.

The stress is finally melting away.

Babyless.

Tonight, I am babyless.

We went to the grocery store, and while we were there we talked with some friends and decided to get together this evening. So, since we were already in town we asked my grandparents if they would like to watch the bean. They, of course, said yes, since they spoil him rotten constantly. '

So we came home, met up with some friends and cracked open a couple of Sam Adams. We are big fans of Sam Adams, and we were particulary excited about having some Octoberfest. Then we broke into the Pumpkin Spice, which was also delicious. However, after about 2.5 beers, I was done. It's hard to be away from Ian.

It's funny how much I look forward to being able to let loose, relax, have a few drinks and have a good time. Then when it really happens...all I want to do is cuddle my Ian. I wish that he were here, even though I am sure that he is having all sorts of fun with Grandma and Grandpa. They love to spoil him, and shower him with kisses and good snacks that Mommy doesn't usually let them have. They were always my favorite people to go visit. I spent a large part of my childhood at their house, sitting on little tykes chairs around the coffee table, eating McDonalds chicken nuggets, putting on plays in the toy room, and going on late night Meijer trips with Grandma.

I also find myself regretting spending the few bits of alone time that Toby and I get. A couple of weeks ago Ian was gone for the night, and we spent the whole time together, just the two of us. I really enjoyed that. I wish that we could do more of that. I love spending time with our friends, and I truly value their friendship, but I also value my marriage. It's hard to find a nice balance you know? But I really miss spending time with just my husband. I feel like I never get to hang out with just my best friend anymore.

But...the fact is, that I love my life. I love spending the majority of time with family. Toby and Ian. All in all, I feel like I am surrounded by a lot of love, and that's great.

But...I miss my bean tonight.

Today:

Today my little boy seemed so big.

He wore jeans just like Daddys,

and a white button up shirt.

And ever though his little brown shoes squeak with each step,

they still made him look big.

He brought toys, and handed them to me.

And he stacked the legos all by himself.

He pointed upwards and shouted "lights",

pronounced "yiites" over and over again.

And he just seemed to big.

He gave out hugs.

He leaned over everyones shoulders, held on tight.

From where I was standing I could see his big smile,

and his little sigh of comfort

He just looked so big.

He went to lunch

where he rested his little head on the wooden table

and peacefully napped,

like a schoolboy at his desk during math.

And he just looked so big.

When did my tiny baby, become a big boy?

When did I stop being a "new mom"?

Where does the time go,

and will it ever slow down again?

Because I'm starting to see just how precious every second is.