Recently I have become very aware of the motion of the world around me. As each day passes I lie down at night and think of each day; what did I do? What parts are going to stay with me? What was important...and what wasn't?
I like to think of myself as a work in progress. Ever changing, ever growing, ever evolving. Over the past few years I have made great personal strides. I try my best not to judge others, and to always choose love over judgement and hate. I'm accepting people for who they are, not who others want them to be. I'm counting the blessings and positives aspects of my life, and letting the wants and the negativity fall to the wayside. I'm teaching myself patience. I'm trying to create a more personal relationship with God rather than a blanket of blind belief. I'm trying to raise good, loving, caring, open-minded children who know that they are loved, cared for, and supported above all us. I'm trying to be a student, a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister...
But I am not perfect. I am nothing but a work in progress. Each day I work on something new. Right now my focus is to be present with my children. To really be present, as in being in the moment when I'm with them. I'm not wishing a single day away. I can honestly say I don't mind the terrible 2's temper tantrums, or the 6 month growth spurt whinies because I know that all too soon they will be a distant memory that I hold close to my heart. It all goes so fast. I just want to remember. I want so badly to remember.
I've been trying to remember Ian as a baby. It was just two years ago, but so much has happened since then. Sometimes it feels like another lifetime. I don't think I took enough time to just take the time and just be. Just to sit and be with him and think of nothing else. And now...I don't remember him as well as I'd like. I don't remember what it felt like to hold him. It breaks my heart. I'm praying that the memories will return. But, from here forth, I'm being present.
I'm imperfect. But I'm a work in progress. And that feels pretty good.