Flashback Friday.

This is Ian just over one month old. These were taken in late September of 2009.

I can't believe how much he has grown since then. I remember this night very vividly. It was one of the first nights that we spent the entire evening alone together. Toby was working, everyone was gone and it was just me and Squeaker.

I was so happy that he would finally fit in his airplane outfit, because it was one of my favorite outfits that I got at my baby shower. It was 0-3 months from Dwell Studio for Target. Tonight, I am hanging it up, tagging it, and putting it in a consignment sale. It breaks my heart. But I'm trying not to hold on to everything. I have about a half of a storage bin filled with tiny little Ian clothes that I can't bring myself to get rid of. I went through them this week, to see if anything could be saved for Vanessa-Kate, and I just felt sad.

Don't get me wrong, I am so very glad to be having another baby. I can't wait to be a family of four. Mommy, Daddy, Big Brother, and Little Sister. But, looking through those clothes, I wasn't longing to hold my new baby, rather, longing to hold Ian as a tiny baby again. Longing to take a step back. Longing to give him a bath in the infant tub, cover him in lavender lotion, and swaddle him in his little green swaddling blankets. I wanted to go back to my parents house (where we were living when Ian was tiny) and take him up in my bedroom and snuggle him. I missed his tiny little everything.

But, at the same time, I love who he is today. He has so much personality. And I actually feel like hes becoming a Mommys Boy, for once. He wants me to hold him, he wants me to cuddle him and to kiss him. He's a big boy. He's my big boy.

I still have my moments though. The moments where I wish if I held him realllly tight, he might just be tiny again. Just for a moment. That would be alright by me.