Friday, October 22, 2010

Flashback Friday.

Ian in his dino outfit. 1 day old.

To most anyone but me, this is just another picture of Ian. But to me, this picture holds so much more. When I think of my little newborn Ian, this is what I see in my mind. I remember him in his little dino outfit (which I had been in love with since I received it at my baby shower), laying on his Daddy's lap, in the hospital. I think of his shiny dark eyes, and his tiny little wrinkled lips. I remember how chapped they were from learning to latch on, and how amazing it felt to take the little drop of aquafor and rub it on his tiny baby lips like chap stick. I'll never forget that because it was the first thing I ever did for my son from my own instinct.

Isn't that an amazing feeling? It was the very first time that I didn't ask someone what I should do. It wasn't like asking the nurses what you should use for a diaper rash. It wasn't like asking my mother how to cure his gas. It was the first time I ever decided for myself what to do. He was just one day old. This may not seem like a big moment for anyone else, but it always will be for me. It was one of the defining moments of becoming a Mother.

Looking at this picture, I sometimes wish that I could go back to that day. I wish that I could feel the comfort the post-partum rooms again. So many people can't wait to leave the hospital after they deliver, but for me, it holds a special place in my heart. It is so full of new life. Maternity wards and Mother/Baby wards always give me the chills. I swear, I can just feel all of the love there.

I wish I could go back and stroke his soft little head, and brand new hair again. I long to kiss his tiny little lips, and smell his sugar sweet breath. Sometimes I just miss nursing him, and the closeness that it gave us. But mostly I miss the excitement that comes along with having a new baby. There is no feeling like having a tiny little person in your hands.

But, he has grown into a little boy now, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. He is beautiful, smart, funny, loving, and so much fun. Sometimes it's just hard to believe that he is the same little boy in that picture.


  1. GREAT me thinking about when Kee was that little! Thanks for the reminder of "little things" :)

  2. Ah, he is so sweet. I too remember when they laid Ian on me when he was born. I was still in surgery and all I wanted was to hold him. But they awkwardly had him resting on my chest all wrapped up in his foot print blanket. He was screaming and all I kept saying was, hi baby it's ok. I remember looking at Jason and telling him how perfect Ian was. And then Jason took him to the nursery and I was left alone. I tried to memorize his little face and all I kept thinking was how perfect he was.

  3. Beth, the little things are so important. <3 I'm a very nostalgic person, and I find myself often focusing on the small things more than the large because of it.

    Jenifer, I felt similarly, but in a different situation. I wanted to hold Ian so bad, but my epi came on too strong and I had no control of my arms. My mom had to put her arms around me, and then wrap my arms around him. It broke my heart not to be able to hold him on my own. I just kept repeating (in complete shock!) "that's my baby, that's my baby".

  4. I can totally see your mom doing that. I bet that was, though frustrating for you, a beautiful and treasured memory for her. A perfect moment of being needed by her "baby" and her grandbaby at the same time. Something she could do for you that made all the difference in the world for your bonding with your son. She got to have a real and lasting impact in that one moment.