Generally, I'm pretty happy. But then there are days like today where I let my emotions get the best of me. Depression is a daily battle; you win some, you lose some.
Anyone who has ever seriously suffered from depression knows that we all have our "buttons". Most of the time I am calm, cool, and collected. But there are certain things that really get me going quick. One being cleaning. I work very hard to make sure that things are clean and organized, and I hate it when no one appreciates it. It is just so discouraging to come downstairs and see that my 3 hours of cleaning was destroyed overnight while I was sleeping. I swear, it's like a knife to the chest.
I understand that not everyone is as anal as I am, and that my definition of a "mess" may be different from other peoples. But at what point does it just become that people don't know how to, or don't care enough to clean up after themselves? Hrm? I just hate feeling like all of my efforts go unappreciated. Noticing is not appreciating. If you appreciate something, then you should act as if you do, not just say that you do.
I think that a large part of this stems from the fact that we are all living together right now. It's not one single persons fault by any means... it's a collaborative action. (They are collaborating against me!!!).
Pair this with exams, trying to wean down to a lower dose of cymbalta, and boom, I am a mess.
So, I'm sitting at one of my favorite local coffee shops (the same one I wrote about in our last day as childless people post), trying to chill out. I don't have my cell phone on me because I can't find it... and that's just fine by me.