Saturday, May 26, 2012

Just so very big.

Oh Ian, when did you get just so very big?

I'm becoming increasingly aware of how big my little boy is getting. He overheard his Mamal tell the bagger at the grocery store that he was almost three last week. Now he tells everyone he meets "I'm almost three now. Then I'm going to turn around and go to school and drive". Ugh. Dagger to the heart kid. Can we just press the pause button for a couple more years? I'm not ready for him to be big. Even though it's adorable when he stands reeeaalll still and say "Look! I'm gettin' bigger right now!"

He amazes me when he does things that I never dreamed he could do. We go to the playground and he climbs the rock wall up to the big slide. He carefully climbs over the bars four feet above the ground. He doesn't hesitate, he doesn't slip. He just climbs across them, no big deal. No more needing Mommy's help. Yesterday he ate his entire bowl of pasta at Olive Garden. He carries on conversations about stuff that he knows about. He tries to teach me things and take care of me; "Mommy, Penguins likes cold water you know", "Mommy, let it cool before you eat it". "Dada, you can't climb on the playground like me, it's too dangerous for you. You might get hurt".

I'm so glad that he's still little in some ways though. Like the way he uses the word "ors" in replace of "your". Or the way he climbs up in my lap and says "I'm ors baby Mommy". I need that.

I know that there are so many adventures ahead. He's going to be a big boy; he'll have his first day of school, he'll play his first baseball game, he'll lose his first tooth. But it's hard to leave his babyhood behind. I know that I still have Vanessa-Kate to be a baby. She's such a little sweet pea. She is actually stupidly sweet. I didn't know they made babies this sweet. She is just a ray of sunshine. But she too, will grow. How did she get to 10 months already anyway?

I think I'm having a harder time with it all because I feel like this is the end of a era; my childbearing and baby filled house years. Most likely, I will never have a newborn again. I'll never again experience they joy of seeing two pink lines on a pregnancy test, feeling little kicks inside of me, or that moment of seeing your new baby for the first time, and that makes me sad. It's hard to leave that phase of my life behind. It feels like it only lasted a short while. In some ways, it's relieving to be able to have my beautiful babies and focus on my own personal career goals. I'm excited about it, I really am. I'm excited to take the next step...I'm just sad that I'm leaving the last step behind, you know?

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