I'm getting soft.

I've always been kind of tough when it comes to things like my kids getting shots and such. I had hoped that by acting like such things weren't a "big deal" that Ian would pick up on the vibes and be more relaxed about the whole thing. The tears that follow a big needle in the leg have never bothered me. I give him a kiss, tell him good job, and it's done.

But these days, I'm getting soft. Maybe that's what a little girl does to you.

Today we had to take both babies to the pediatrician. Vanessa-Kate had her 2 month check-up and shots, and Ian had to re-do the lead test since he threw such a fit last time that they didn't get enough blood for the test to work. But, I blame that one mostly on a bad nurse.

Anyway, today broke my heart. First comes Ian. He was being so so good. The kind of good where it breaks your heart because their being so sweet. He was nice, polite, happy, and very talkative. He was being good and letting the nurse touch him and hold his hand. He asked in his happy little voice "Wasss dattt?" when she pulled out the lancet to prick his little finger.

And then she did it.
And then my heart broke.

My happy little boy, who was trying so hard to behave broke down. Big alligator tears poured from his eyes. He looked so betrayed. For the first time I heard him cry out "Oww, Oww" through his tears. But she had to keep pumping away at his little finger for a good 2-3 minutes until she had enough blood. He kept trying to calm down, but he was too worked up. I felt horrible. I tried not to let him see that it was upsetting me, but on the inside I was dying.

Then was Vanessa-Kate's turn. She got her shots and poked her little lip out at me and made the saddest little pucker face. I was already worked up over Ian, so I felt bad about that too. Then, she's been sad and achy all day since. She is usually so happy all of the time. I hate seeing her so down.

I'm going soft. Watching my babies cry broke my heart today.