"Only people who use the potty get to use toilet paper."
"Stop dragging the plunger up and down the hallway!"
"We don't smack peoples butts in the shower."
"Don't throw chicken please."
"You're missing what? Oh...have you picked through the diaper pail yet?"
"You peed in Daddy's shoe!"
"Stop wiping _____ in your hair"
"Vaseline is not food."
"Did you eat your book?"
"No...just because its in a shiny wrapper does not mean it's candy. That is a condom."
(Someone likes to dig through our bedroom drawers)
"Where did you get skittle? We don't buy skittles."
"If you don't eat the cereal off the floor I'm going to vacuum it up. Last chance!"
"I need more bananas. My kid ate 7 today."
"Stop trying to stick your wee in the drain"
"I'm driving. No, I do not have have tea, candy, cheese, bananas, or your papal up here with me at the moment."