Saturday, March 12, 2011

A letter to my son:

Dear Ian,

You're growing up so fast. It's really hard to believe. Sometimes I just look at you and I am completely in awe of all that you have become. You have grown to be such a loving, caring, funny, and smart little boy.

The time that I feel the you have grown the very most is when you curl up on my lap. I'm so glad that you still love to cuddle. When you curl up in my lap, you take up all of the space. Your head rests high on my shoulder, your back takes up the majority of my arms, your butt rests between my thighs, and both of your long legs hang completely off the opposite side of the chair...and I can just picture how tiny you were when you were a baby. How your entire body could rest between my shoulder and my hand. You weren't even an arms length long.

Sometimes I wish that I could just push pause; that I could keep you the way that you are forever. I fear that someday I won't be able to vividly remember you the way that you are now. I fear that I will be filled with sorrow, longing for the days when all you wanted was to lay in my lap, to twirl my hair around your fingers, and to hold my hand. Then what will I do? What will I do when my sweet baby is all grown up?

But then I remember that there is a reason that we can't press pause in life. It's so that we really learn to cherish every. single. moment. Because we are meant to make the most of what we have today. Yes, parts of me wish that you could be my baby forever...but I know that there are so many great things awaiting you. Someday, most likely sooner than I'd hoped for, you won't be a baby anymore. You'll be a kid, and then a teenager, and then a man. And I'll be proud of you no matter how big you grow. Because I'll still be your Mommy, and in many ways, you'll always be my baby. Always.

I take comfort in knowing that you will do great things. I have such hope for you sweetpea. I know that you will be great at whatever you do. I know that someday you will grow up to have children of your own, and that you will love them as I love you. And that's why I can't push pause, because you have more important things to do then to just lay in my arms forever.

But if you could just stop getting so big in a hurry... I would appreciate that too.

I love you boog. I love you so much.

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